the Odd Kouple

It is difficult to come to you right now with this update.  It is a late update, as I have found it hard to contemplate this happening to our family again.  With all that we have been through it was tough for me to wrap my head around what has been going on.  Below is an update from my brother regarding Ingrid.  I will let his words speak to you.  Below that is a beautiful message from my little sister, Rebecca.  As I just cannot find the words to properly share with you right now.  Please continue to lift our family up in your thoughts and prayers.

With a broken heart,

Daniel

*******************************************

April 23, 2010

Dear friends,

We want to thank each of you for the encouraging emails we have been receiving this week.  Your prayers have been priceless.  We have truly felt the peace and grace of God this week.

This is just to inform you that Ingrid Carolina Mejia-Rosales, Claudia’s sister, passed away today peacefully.  A Pulminary Blood Clot after routine gall bladder surgery caused a heart attack.  She has been unresponsive since Tuesday afternoon.  She has now gone to be in the arms of our Lord and Savior.

Just before her passing all her siblings, their spouses and her parents circled around her and prayed.  It was a very peaceful passing.

We continue to covet your prayers.

The funeral service will be held at Capillas Los Cipreses at 42 Ave. Final Y 6 Calle, Zona 5, in Guatemala City.  We will send out further details soon.

In lieu of flowers please send donations to:
American Bushido-kai Karate Association
ATTN: Nathan “Ingrid” Hardeman
PO Box 14288
Tulsa OK 74159-1288

Ingrid was 33 years old.  She is survived by her father, Luis Arturo Mejia, her mother Hilda Rosales, her 4 siblings: Iris, Roblans, Claudia & Diana, her niece, Madeline and her nephews Levi and Caleb.

Thank you again for all of your support, encouragement and prayers.

Pray for continued strength and fortitude in this difficult time.

Leaning on God’s strength,

Nathan, Claudia & Family

*****

From Becca:

They said that the funeral was very nice and a great number of people showed up.  Really does go to show what an amazing person she was and the impact she has had on those around her in her workplace, community and family.  I learned today that she was the first one in her family to come to know Christ and the others followed behind.  As far as I know, donations are going to cover costs of the hospitals and the funeral and then I don’t know what else after that.  God has provided for the hospital charges to be covered, but I think the funeral ones are still there.  Please continue to pray for the family as this has been a huge challenge for them right now and will continue to be for years to come.  Right now, they need rest, but they are going to need strength and courage to get through many days ahead.  Thank you for your support and encouragement and for caring.  We appreciate you.  I appreciate you.

Through His Grace,

Becca

As I (Daniel) sit here holding the first blanket Aiden was wrapped in after birth, I can’t help but look back and reflect on how we told him goodbye.  Many families in similar situations as ours do not always have time to say a proper goodbye.  As difficult as it was for us to know the diagnosis so early on, it was a blessing in its own right.  Having that extra time to get everything setup ahead of time helped to give us the time and the freedom to wrap our love around Aiden’s precious soul when he arrived. 

Nikki and I have talked and agreed that we wanted to share with you all some of the details of the ceremony.  First, I would like to give a giant thank you to Snow’s Memorial for how comfortable they made the process.  In such hard times, they made it such a wonderful experience where we will not regret any detail of the service. 

Prior to the service, we were given time to bring in professional photographers to create lasting memories (more on this in a future post).  Snow’s also allowed multiple visits from us and family.  But the amazing part was the small private service on Monday December 28th.

With the time that we had we were able to find a beautiful, peaceful location at Riverside Cemetery.  I do not remember a lot of details about the service.  I mainly remember the healing feeling I had.  As we sat there looking at the beautiful arrangement and the picture of Nikki and me holding Aiden close and kissing his soft head, I couldn’t help but be overcome by sadness and peace at the same time.  We did everything right in our situation to put Aiden to rest.  The only detail at the time we were not sure of was how Natalie would react to all of this. 

Prior to the service Natalie had been amazing.  As everything began unfolding on that beautiful day, Natalie sat still next to Nikki.  As the service continued, she began to take on another role as a healer.  She got out of her seat and walked over to me.  With a big grin on her face she reached up for me to hold her.  Once in my lap she took several measures to assure Nikki and I were ok.  I believe she saw our sadness, but knew that everything was going to be ok.

At the times that I cried, she would gently wipe my tear drops off with a tissue.  Then she would lean forward and give me a sweet kiss.  At other times, almost instinctively, knowing that I needed to smile would give me an Eskimo kiss and a butterfly kiss to ease my pain.  during one of the prayers, she wrapped one arm around my neck, leaned to her left and pulled mommy in with the other arm giving us a strong hug with a huge smile on her face. 

By that point, it was hard not to feel like everything would be ok.  How sweet she was.  My heart broke over those days for Nikki, for myself and for the fact that Natalie would not be able to show Aiden how wonderful and caring of a sister she would be.  In those moments at the service I felt that we had given Aiden a wonderful home surrounded by love.  Natalie also made sure of it. 

After the service, Natalie spent a few minutes softly touching the flowers on Aiden’s casket and even pulling a small one out for herself.  I kneeled down next to her and she immediately said, “These Aiden’s flowers.”  I said, “Yes ma’am, they are.  But it is time to say goodbye to Aiden.”  She moved over and stood in front of me with a peaceful look on her face.  I asked her, “Can you tell your little brother goodbye and blow him a kiss?”  With no hesitation, she softly said, “Goodbye, Aiden.  Luvs you.”  Then reached her hand up and blew him a kiss.  Without lingering, she turned and walked away as if to know it was time to go. 

I reached out and brushed the flowers softly and said my goodbyes, taking one of the tiny roses and putting it in my jacket pocket.  I couldn’t help but smile at what I had just witnessed with Natalie.  How sweet that goodbye was.  I could feel a sense of fulfillment thanks to the inner beauty of my 2yr old.  And it of course, for those that know Natalie, didn’t hurt to hear her words in that sweet voice that she has.   She had become the best therapy I could ever have during and after the entire service. 

With peaceful love,

Daniel, Nikki, and Natalie

Families are very interesting creations.  Some may be in full disarray from run of the mill bad luck like the Griswold family, others may be falling apart at the seams like every soap on lunch time television, yet others seem to strive through trials and tribulation regardless of the situation…like the castaways on Gilligan’s Island.  (They may not have been blood relatives, but after spending that long on an island with someone else without deodorant will make you family…I digress).  But from each of these families or with individuals within these families stems love that builds faith and gives hope that everything will be ok in the end. 

Due to our current situation, it seems that hope and faith are hard to come by.  But Nikki and I are reminded everyday that our family provides the love that will help sustain these feelings and beliefs.  As I look at my family I can’t help but be overcome with joy and fond memories of things of old and things to come.  Not to mention the time we live here in the present.

We must remember how much family truly means to us.  The central heart of the family will continue to strive if you allow love to feed your faith and hope, regardless of the circumstance.  We thank each of you for the support you have given us.  Now I ask that you provide that same support and love as you keep the rest of my family in your prayers. 

What I have come to realize is that family hurts for us along with their own feelings of grief.  As we deal with our tragedy of Aiden, we have come to realize that our parents are not only hurting due to the expected loss of a grandson, but doubly so as their own children suffer.  This is a beautiful yet difficult thing. This rings true for our other relatives.  Whether it be a sibling hurting for us as they watch us through this or best friends who want to relate, but have never walked in our footsteps.  Everyone around us hurts. 

But I am reminded today that life is beautiful because of this.  Today my family mourns together as my grandmother, Faye Dalton (more affectionately called Ma-ma), has passed away.  She was just shy of her 96th birthday.  She meant so much to us as no matter what part of the world we lived in, we always knew we could return to Ma-ma’s house for great southern cooking and an old fashion tongue lashing if I didn’t sit up straight.  We couldn’t help but love her.  And we hope to have the same resilience as she showed in life. 

I am reminded of the time that she was working in her garden and was bitten by a rattle snake.  At around 76 yrs old or so, she refused to go inside to have herself taken care of until she took the time to find the snake and kill it to protect everyone else.  Once she finally let someone know what happened, they rushed her to the emergency room where she sat patiently and quietly for almost three hours before being treated.  It was a good thing that snake only had one fang.  For its sake I imagine it wishes it had both as it may have won that battle and not ended up as a snake skin souvenir on her dresser.  

This is only one story of many that we have of her.  But a few of the things that we know we could always count on were picking our birthday lunch menu, sitting out on the front porch playing the car color game and hearing bed time stories as we fell asleep.  I even used one of her children’s stories in a high school public speaking class to get an A+.  (It was a great story!)

I can’t imagine everything that she has seen in her 96 years.  My how the world has changed.  But one thing that always remained the same was how Ma-ma celebrated life with her family.  So, as a family we celebrate her life and how she has touched each of us.  We do not mourn with heavy or empty hearts, but rather full and joyous hearts.  All because of a beautiful life that we were blessed to have been a part of. 

Thank you Ma-ma.  May you Celebrate In Peace.  We love you and will miss you dearly.  Nikki and I also know that as you held Natalie when she was born, you will also hold Aiden when the time comes.  He couldn’t be in better hands. 

With much love and celebration,

Daniel

P.S.  Please keep my other grandmother and my whole family in your thoughts and prayers.  Grandmama is also currently struggling with her health and is going in and out of the hospital.  This is a lot for my parents and their siblings to have to deal with right now.  And for the rest of us, we both mourn and hurt for them.

I realize it has been a while since I graced the cyberspace of our blog.  It has been almost a month now since our last update but have found it difficult to find words to express what is going on.  Over the past month I have spent a lot of time keeping busy, not really thinking about what we are facing.  For me I believe it has been easier than for Nikki as she never has a chance to “step away” from the situation at all.  This is both a blessing and a curse as she gets to be present with Aiden every time he kicks or moves, but has to constantly be reminded of the inevitable.  For the latter, I wish I could bare part of that burden. 

Yesterday was especially difficult as we finally took the time to sit down face to face with a funeral home to start the planning process that we dread to think about.  However, it wasn’t nearly as difficult as I expected.  We were stunned by the sincerity Snow’s Memorial Chapel offered to us.  They were calm, gentle and willing to answer every question we had and some.  It was comforting to know that Aiden would be in good hands when the time comes.

One difficult time I personally had came when they offered to show us the casket.  I knew that this time would come.  I agreed to it so as not to be surprised later on.  When he brought it in I could only look for a short time.  Having to picture my baby boy in there was gut wrenching.   Not knowing whether I would have a chance to tell him how much I love him or whether he would even get a chance to see who is Papi is makes me realize that NO parent should ever have to face this.  For those that have and those that are suffering through it now, I mourn with you. 

Later that night as Nikki and I lay in bed, she reached over and pulled my hand to her beautiful pregnant belly.  She told me to keep it there for a minute.  Before too long, there was a kick to my palm.  Then some movement near my fingertips.  Aiden was moving around and was giving me a chance to feel his touch in that moment.  It was as if the world had stood still for me right then.  Nothing else mattered.  My boy was there, with me.  For the first time…I knew my son. 

Throughout the next 10 minutes I didn’t move my hand.  I cried tears of joy and sorrow hoping to have a chance to hold him alive, but feeling satisfied to know I got this opportunity to feel him playing in the womb.  There are so many “firsts” that I wish I could show Aiden.  But this touch, this first time connecting with me is one that I will hold on to forever. 

Daniel