the Odd Kouple

The birth of Aiden John was one of the most beautiful moments of my (Nikki’s) life.  Though he was very small, he took up an awfully big space in our hearts and in our lives.  And though he never took a breath on this earth, he will forever be a part of the fabric of our lives.  Little Aiden was absolutely beautiful and I will never forget the first moment I saw him and got to hold him.  He had 10 little fingers and 10 little toes.  He had his father’s forehead and his sister’s perfect little mouth.  He also had nearly as much hair as she did when she was born.

We were so grateful to the medical staff at Central Georgia Medical Center.  They took really good care of us and allowed our family time to meet baby Aiden.  My favorite moments were watching Natalie with him.  We let her have complete control over how close she got to him.  At first, she just wanted to look at him while sitting in her Papi’s lap.  Then she touched the blanket that he was wrapped in and then gave him a little tap on his nose.  Then all of a sudden she wanted to hold him.  It made my heart feel so warm to see her being so gentle and loving to her little brother.  We had a rag that was there to dab a little Aiden’s nose because he was having a little bit of a nose bleed.  As he was passed from one family member to another, the rag would easily be forgotten and fall to the floor.  Every time, Natalie would pick up the rag, hand it to the person holding Aiden, and say, “That’s Aiden’s!” She was so proud to help take care of him.  And I was proud of the way she loved him.  I also felt so sad that I would not get to see how she would be a big sister to him.  That is something that I will always wish I could have seen.

After the family left the hospital, we hung around to wait on the funeral home to come and get Aiden.  Letting him go that night was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do.  There was no way I could prepare for it and to be honest I thought I might literally break in two as I did so.  I don’t really know how we managed to do the things that we had to do that night—all I do know is that I didn’t do it by myself.  I know this because I wasn’t capable of doing it by myself.  Daniel and I both had someone carrying us through it, making it possible for us to take each step as we had to take.

And that is how the last five days have been.  For me, they have been a blur, but I do know that there have been all kinds of people around, taking care and loving my family and me.  I hope to write down some more of the things that have happened over the last several days.  At first we didn’t think we would see Aiden again, but we were able to see him a couple more times and that was a wonderful gift.  I will write more about all of it soon.

Though we continue to hurt deeply, we find ourselves so grateful for all of those who have helped to make this all a little more bearable.  We are grateful that God has given us friends and family who can so tangibly show us God’s love and compassion.  It is these gifts that have and continue to carry us through.

Thank you for your prayers and words of comfort.

Daniel, Nikki, and Natalie

So, it starts with confirmation from a small device with a slogan, “The most advanced piece of technology you will ever pee on.”  Then it ends with affirmation from a larger piece of equipment that looks like a cross between a Commodore 64 and the control panels of the original 1970’s Star Trek Enterprise.  That’s right ladies and gentleman.  It is confirmed.  The next edition of the Hardeman household has been conceived.  Nikki is pregnant! 

And from what I can tell from the  HD TV they displayed the image on, we are having a Peanut (look at the little dot in the right corner…yep that’s Peanut).  So, from here on out, that is what I will refer to our future child as until we know more information.  Peanut is currently only 6 and a half weeks along.  With a due date landing somewhere at the beginning of February. 

Don’t take the “Hardeman 2.0” title the wrong way.  Peanut is not an improved EDITION on our first child, but rather an ADDITION.  Natalie is already aware that there is a baby in Mami’s belly and gives kisses to it on a regular basis.  We’ll see how much that will change once Peanut starts taking up more of Mami’s time and later Papi’s time too.  Hopefully, she will learn more about sharing us with Peanut well before the release date of Hardeman 2.0, “Peanut A-ddition.” 

You can tell that Xela is SOOOOO Excited!  But we definitely are! 

Some of you know the story of my niece, Catie, and others of you don’t.

For those of you who do not, Catie was one of the bravest little girls I have ever known. She was diagnosed with a brain cancer on her first birthday and she battled that awful disease for 3 1/2 years through several surgeries, rounds of chemo, and hospitalizations. We were all devastated when she lost her battle in January of 2007.

Catie was a wonderful little girl and she taught me many things. One thing she taught me and my need-for-control self, was how to relax and go with the flow. She was always up for whatever came her way and she handled it with grace and gentleness. She taught me about self-care. She did this by always asking for what she needed. Whether it was a hug from her mama or a Chick-Fil-A biscuit, she knew how to ask for it.

However, more than anything, Catie shared with me the face of God, because that is what she was. In her little life, Catie was the face of God for me and taught me more about that mystery to which I pray than seminary and Sunday School every could have. I am still reaping the lesson that she taught me and I am grateful for her life.

One other thing she taught me about was hope; and one thing I have a hope for is that some day we will have a cure for childhood cancer so that no more children have to suffer this awful disease. If you would like to play your part in making this a reality, please go to www.catiescureclassic.com, and learn about the golf tournament my sister, Jenny and her husband, Tre’ are putting on. Consider giving a small amount, sponsoring a hole, or playing on a team.

To read more about the tournament, you can also click here and read Jenny’s blog.